SDA ONLY PLEASE: Can you offer me some comfort and guidance?

My Dear young Sister Please do Not beat yourself up, your only Error is to not realize that it is Jesus Christ alone that can convert one into somebody that can in fact understand scripture Spiritually without this Grace the Scriptures are just lifeless words, I made this mistake many years ago thinking that if I stick by this Non believing Woman God will grant my prayerful request that she become a believer, although in certain circumstance this Can happen! it cannot and will not happen if the same said person is Not Granted Grace! you see we are quite unable to really understand any person let alone Know their heart and we cannot dictate to the Almighty whom he shall save, we are told to choose life that we and our Seed may live in other words we can from our own clean living influence an outcome of our Children but ALL others have to do this for themselves, the pains of our hearts are great indeed at learning but we continually go our own way without Heavenly council! it is not the will of our Lord that we should hurt so Bad but it is at the same time a thing that shall not be forgotten because of the pain and hopefully not repeated, I have been a SDA Church Member and still Hold Sabbath and still Love those people However I Commune with the Lord Direct and Omit No Christians from my Care or Council as a Brother or learner however I keenly try to awaken those Christians who are CINO along with Non Believers where Directed.